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Is My Marriage Over? 25 Questions to Assess if it's time for Divorce

Considering divorce? It's a big decision with far-reaching consequences. You're not alone – many grapple with this question. This guide offers a framework for navigating the complexities of divorce and a quiz to gain insights into your relationship.

Understanding Your Situation

If "should I get a divorce?" is a frequent thought, it's a sign you're wrestling with important questions. It's healthy! But remember, divorce involves emotions, finances, and logistics. Rushing in can be counterproductive.

Taking Stock of Your Options

Indecision can be paralyzing. You might feel stuck between trying to fix things or moving on. The reality is rarely black and white. Take time to reflect on your options.

Red Flags That Can't Be Ignored

Some situations require immediate action. Abuse (physical or emotional), addiction, or severe mental illness can signal irreparable damage. Betrayal of trust through infidelity or dishonesty can also be deal-breakers.

The Divorce Quiz: Assessing Your Marriage

Here's a 25-statement quiz to shed light on your relationship's health. Consider each statement carefully and reflect on how it applies to you.

  1. Does your partner's criticism or controlling behavior stifle your true self?

  2. Do you lack shared goals or dreams for the future?

  3. Does your spouse fail to defend you when you're disrespected?

  4. Have attempts at couples therapy been unsuccessful?

  5. Is intimacy absent or unsatisfying in your marriage?

  6. Do you confide in others but not your spouse?

  7. Are constant arguments a hallmark of your relationship?

  8. Do you only interact with your spouse when necessary?

  9. Are other areas of your life fulfilling, except your marriage?

  10. Do you dread spending time together?

  11. Is there a lack of interest in each other's lives?

  12. Do you solely blame your spouse for problems?

  13. Do you struggle to rebuild trust after conflicts?

  14. Are you tempted to cheat or look for connection online?

  15. Is there a power imbalance your spouse refuses to address?

  16. Are you unaware of each other's emotional needs?

  17. Has your spouse never apologized or taken responsibility for their actions?

  18. Do you struggle to express love in meaningful ways?

  19. Do you rarely speak positively about your marriage to others?

  20. Despite unhappiness, have you both avoided seeking help?

  21. Do you hold onto grudges and struggle to forgive?

  22. Is there minimal interaction, characterized by avoidance?

  23. Have you been agonizing over this decision for over two years?

  24. Have past attempts at counseling yielded no improvement?

  25. Are there significant trust violations or unresolved issues?

Interpreting Your Results

This quiz is a starting point, not a definitive answer.

First, translate the slashes from the “maybe” column: For every two “maybe” slashes, make one more slash in the “Yes” column. Next, count the number of marks in the “yes” column. These marks are the factors that are likely to lead towards ending the marriage.

If you have fewer than six-6 “yes” marks, then your marriage is probably salvageable, and you may be going through a developmental stage in the relationship. This is an invitation for you both to grow, mature, heal some old hurts, and learn new relationship skills with the support of a qualified counselor, mediator, or therapist.

Not sure where to start? Focus on the statements for which you marked a “yes.”

If you have between 6 and 12 “yes” marks, it is still possible to repair your marriage. However, this level of difficulty will definitely require a consistent, daily commitment to making the required changes with support from a couples’ counselor. You may also consider taking a trial separation, while you assess if you both have the fortitude to work on saving the marriage over the long haul.

If you have more than 12 “yes” marks, the likelihood your marriage can be saved and restored is extremely low. You may have considerations about the best time to get a divorce, and you may want to begin working on your own divorce readiness.

Important Considerations

  • Quiz responses are subjective. Your mood and perspective can influence your answers. Take the quiz multiple times and consider revisiting it periodically.

  • Certain behaviors may hold more weight based on your values.

Moving Forward

The quiz can empower you to make informed decisions. Whether it's seeking professional help to repair the marriage or considering divorce, prioritize your well-being. By approaching this situation with clarity and purpose, you can pave the way for healing and a fulfilling future.

Additional Resources

This guide can't replace professional guidance. Reach out to a mental health professional and or lawyer who can help you make a decision.

Remember, you're not alone in this. There is help available, and you deserve to find happiness.

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